Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I am a worried wreck most of the time. I had an Peri visit yesterday and she said so far everything looks OK. The placenta is over the cervix though, and she says that she is going to keep a close watch, and not for me to worry yet as it is early and sometimes it moves up.
I still have not told my family I am pregnant. It gets stuck in my throat when I try to get it out. My family was less than supportive when I was pregnant with Devyn, and after he died they mostly chose to ignore the fact that he even existed. It still hurts. I have found that unless you have lost a baby you have no reference to draw from, and people do not understand the over cautiousness. I am so grateful for this baby, this chance. I love this baby, and my heart jumps for joy knowing I am pregnant with him or her, and i am overjoyed and relieved when i feel the little popcorn like flutters I get. But at the same time I am just scared. Baby lost mamas will understand, others will not. My friend who knows i am pregnant asked me when I thought I would tell everyone. I told her November 3rd, my due date. Better still when I bring a healthy, living, breathing, baby home.

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